Crowded Thoughts

Just the other night, I opened my notebook and wrote everything on my mind, multi-tasking with Prison Break catching up. These things may have or have not meant at all, but these were the things I had in my mind. Mahusay pero magulo. Masakit pero masarap.

I am not a prolific writer. I am a person with very limited vocabulary. But nobody can level up how intense and powerful the feeling I have inside of me. A feeling not of love but a feeling of hatred and anger. All the years of my existence, I have never felt this heated and enraged to people who have hurt me and brought me to this ultimate suffering. I blame God for everything. I know I have not been the best of a person in my whole life but He knows I tried to live to be a better daughter, sister, friend, a mother. It could be that I took for granted all that of being a good wife, a partner. Forgive me for feeling all this way, but I really do. You see, all that has happened in this painful year of the rat, haunts me over and over again like windmill on my mind…It keeps on turning.

I have forgotten to be a good hearted person, I have wished that people banish in my life. God forgive me for feeling this way and blaming this to You. Don’t you ever check on me? Why was I neglected this way. Ok, I have wished to be winning in lotteries and being a millionaire overnight, but look all of these are just wishes, that even if it didn’t happen, I still pray and have faith in you. But why this? I am not that tough and strong. I do not have the superhero persona that I don’t get hurt.

Why is it that even if they apologize and say sorry to you a million times, you still wouldn’t accept it and take it. Is it just me or it really is still there? Well, I have trusted for a long time and been disappointed and fooled. Who do I trust now? My only self….I just have my heart and instinct to trust this time. Nobody else, except me, myself and Joy. I just wished everything is just that easy to let go and move on. I just wished it’s as stress free soaking a stained shirt in a basin of water and detergent for 30 minutes.

People say I am tough. Yes I am. But tough people also have weaknesses. I am actually weak, because maybe I just loved too much. Or did I really…Question now , Am I still worthy to be here? All I want to do now is to go away and be isolated from all these without excess baggage, without thinking about others.

I love my kids, they are my life. However people see them, I love them. I am the only one left to protect them. I gave life to them, they need me. But I need somebody to help me. I know I have made a big mistake in my life.

Like Michael Scofield who’s always distrustful. Ang sakit talaga ha…There’s physical hurt…There’s emotional hurt. Grabe, ano pa ba ang dahilan para mamalagi dito…WALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ang gulo di ba...sobra. One thing is for sure, I am hopelessly hurt. Ikaw naloko ka na ba?

Pick your birth month and repost!!

JANUARY = SLUT

Fun to be with. Loves to try new things. Boy/girls LOVE you.
You are very hot. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
feings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
spazzy at times.Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
and forms impressions carefully. Caring and
loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
in studying. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5
mins and your reputation will boost someway in
the next 12 days

FEBRUARY = ATTITUDE

Abstract thoughts. Outgoing.Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive.Fun to be around with. sexiest out of everyone.A real speed demon.
Has more than one best friend. Able to cheer anyone up and make them laugh. Amazing smile. An awesome kisser.
Temperamental. Honest. A very good girlfriend/boyfriend
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves
aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends
Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone
new and realize that you are a perfect match.

MARCH = FLIRTATIOUS

You've got the best personality and are an
absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make
new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt.
Like somebody with a September birthday. It is also more than likely
that you have a massive record collection. When it
comes to films, you know how to pick them and may one day
become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck,
you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you
will meet someone that may possibly become
one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5
minutes.

APRIL = PIMP

APRIL means that you're really good looking.
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and
highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to
dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.Everyone
loves to be around you. You always attract attention.
You are definately the sexiest and good looking
of them all. You know how to get what you want.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good
imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves
literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike
being at home. Restless. having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the
next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone
you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.

MAY = SEXY

Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
work well with others. Very confident. **An awesome kisser.** Sensitive. A very good girlfriend/boyfriend. Amazing Smile.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good
memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look
for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or
make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and
others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Has All The Characteristics of John Carrico
Bubbly personality. Seductive.
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and
traveling. Super sexy. **Extremley hot but has brains.** If you
repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye
will introduce themselves and you will realize that
you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

JUNE = HOTTIE

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves
to takes things at the center. Inner and physical
beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends. Very easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does
notcare to control emotions. Unpredictable. Understanding. Fun to bearound. Nympho-and an awesome lover too....makes u happy so that makesthem happy...
Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive.
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and
travelling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you
repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye
will introduce themselves and you will realize that
you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

JULY = PORNSTAR

outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on
attention. no self control. kind hearted. self
confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to. has an 'every
thing's peachy' attitude. likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates
not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be
loved. hates studying. in need of 'that someone'.
longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or
restricted. lives by 'no pain no gain' caring.
always a suspect. playful. mysterious. 'charming'
or 'beautiful' to everyone. stubborn. curious.
independent. strong willed. a fighter. repost in 5
mins and you will meet the love of your life
sometime next month.

AUGUST = THUG

Youa strait up 'Gangsta' Attractive personality.Very! sexy.Affectionate& Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic.Chatterbox!Loves to talk alot! Loves to get their way! . Unbelievable kisser!Easily angered. Very stubborn in the most way possible! Loves to getnoticed! Willing to take risks for others. Makes good choices. Has agreat fashion sense! Maybe a little too popular with others * winkwink*. Outgoing and crazy at times! Intelligent. Can sometimes be aheartbreaker! Can love as much as possible! Hates insults. Lovescompliments! A very big flirt! Trustworthy. Appreciative and returnskindness. The best in bed out of ANY of these months!! Hardly showsemotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.Ifyou repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your
new love in 8 days.

SEPTEMBER = LOVER

Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends
to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can
understand.
if you do not repost this in the next 5
mins. someone very close to you will become mad
at you in the next 8 days.

OCTOBER =PERFECT

Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and
dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.
Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards
your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional
and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people
easily and very social in a group. Fearless and
independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a
crowd. Essentially very smart. If you ever
begin a relationship with someone from this month,
hold on to them because their one of a kind. repost
in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming
up sometime this month.

NOVEMBER = GORGEOUS

Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to
delay. Choosy and always wants the best. repost this in 5 mins & you will find true love at 11:00 a.m.

DECEMBER = FREAK IN BED

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves
to takes things at the center. Great in bed. Inner
and physical beauty. Doesn't pretend. Gets angry
often. A meaningful love life partner.
Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends.
It is all about love and fairness. Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Horny but does fullfill.
Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions.
Knows what to do to have fun. Unpredictable. Someone to have close to you.Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND
sexiest of them all
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.A real speed demon.
Has more than one best friend.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves
aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends
but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisurePick your birth month and repost!!

Prove it

Prove your worth. If you are worth 55k a month, prove your worth the price. If you are a certified professional, prove that you are worthy of being called certified. If you were dumped and ditched, fight for what you are worth. What the?!?! What are we here in this world? Full of pretendings that everyday in your life you have to prove your worth. Can't there just be that people accept who you are and be contented with what you want to be. I've never been so competitive all my life, but now I feel I am in a competition. A competion of who is worthy.

So now it's a battle of who should get the prize. Or is it really a prize? It's all a game of who is ahead. But honestly, I am tired, and I wanna give up. I wanna give up. I just wish I were in High School when all that I care was to make it to the next quarter and see my crush everyday. And feel broken hearted if I knew he had a girlfriend. But waking up the next morning feeling enthusiastic because you have a reserve crush anyway.

Now, All I have to care is to prove that I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister and a friend. Moreso to prove that I am an IT person. Easier said than done.

With You - by Chris Brown

In a Limbo

I don't know where to start and how to start. I am so confused. I don't know what to believe in, if I have to believe what my instincts are telling me or just simply believe. I don't see any improvements. I just don't see it. I am not very good in organizing my thoughts but I am definitely sure that there has never been any improvements.

There have been instances where I am as tame as a sleeping beauty, but there are times that I am as harsh as a killer monster. I can sometimes speak of beautiful things and lovely words about it, but most likely there will be times murderous languages can come out of my mouth.

Basta ang gulo na talaga ng sitwasyon, ang gulo na talaga ng buhay ko....I want an end to this...I really want an end. I am not afraid, thats the only thing I am sure of now. God bless my soul.

Hoy

At ikaw, alam ko naman na nakikita mo to...Don't hide. Because I can also see you. Magtulungan pa kayo...magsama kayong mga baboy at pangit.

And please if you are not guilty of anything, why the hell do you hide...You can fool others but you can't fool me. You've seen me done marvelous things before, you might wanna see me do better things than those. And please, live up to what you promised me before, "MAWAWALA KA NA SA EKSENA." And it seems, you still want some trouble, eh...

Obsessed

Let me share to you a story about my friend who is currently having problems with a so-called obsessed lover. At first he was not minding if the person was sending sweet thoughts thinking that those were just the usual forwarded messages. But as days go by, he is already feeling a bit uncomfortable about the idea that a certain lady is doing such. And to make things worse now, the girl is giving him food every now and then. The dilemma now is that, he doesn't like the girl, but he would not want her to get hurt by dumping her that easily. And he's really bothered because she's not stopping from doing those freaky things.

And now he's seeking help from me...and this time I have to give back all the good things, and the ears and the heart he shared to me when I was down...I hope what we planned now will work.

Petiks Mode

I still have no post for this month so this will be it...Petiks lang naman ako since I came back from a 4 month contract with a client. Wish ko lang di mabulok ang isip ko sa walang kapararakang pinaggagawa ko sa Quadstar...

Here I am editing some photos for a boss here...just to make time spent with value...All day web surfing and googling all sorts of things and all sorts of happenings...from Obama and Clinton issue to Daboy passing away to the kidnapping of Ces Drilon and her crew...Ang hirap ng petiks...dami ko tuloy naiiisip at napapansin...dami ko tuloy naaalala sa mga nangyari sa kin...

Lalo tuloy ako nalulungkot pag petiks ako...kasi lalo ko na-rerealize na hindi pa rin ako umaasenso...sana naman umahon na ko sa pinagkakalubugan ko...luging lugi na ko kasi sa totoo lang ang dami ko nang tinulungan umasenso pero bakit ako andito pa rin...

Lalo akong frustrated kasi mula ng pumasok ang taong ito, year of the rat, di na ako sinwerte...And they said I will be lucky this year coz I was born on the year of the rat...Proves that wala sa kung anong kalendaryo o zodiac sign ang swerte mo...

Wala lang...na-miss ko rin ito...kausap ang sarili ko...

French Toast

Last Friday, before receiving the bad news about my Mom, I had this sumptuous snack...Super yummy...La lang...by the way, My Mom's fine already...

Here's the recipe:

Ingredients:

• 4 eggs
• 1 teaspoon sugar, optional
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup milk
• 10 to 12 slices white bread
• butter
• maple syrup or other syrup

Preparation:

Break eggs into a wide, shallow bowl or pie plate; beat lightly with a fork. Stir in sugar, salt, and milk.

Over medium-low heat, heat griddle or skillet coated with a thin layer of butter or margarine.

Place the bread slices, one at a time, into the bowl or plate, letting slices soak up egg mixture for a few seconds, then carefully turn to coat the other side. Soak/coat only as many slices as you will be cooking at one time.

Transfer bread slices to griddle or skillet, heating slowly until bottom is golden brown. Turn and brown the other side. Serve French toast hot with butter and syrup.
Recipe for French toast serves 4.

Mahal kita....Maging Sino Ka man

This is quite a boring day for me. I have lots of work to do and finish within the week, but I am just staring blankly at all my modules. I am not in the mood and I wanna go home, but I can't. Fortunately, my best friend Google is always around and never miss to help me around.

I thought of things I want to research and ended with searching for the former teleserye "Maging Sino Ka Man". I loved watching that show, because I am a Sam Milby fan. But one thing really that got me hooked with it, is the exchanges of lines between the characters, most especially the ones between JB and Celine....

They had words like: "I never...said that...I loved you.", which actually because an object of spoofs and laughing trip. But one of my most favorite among so many pick-up lines is this, said by JB ...read on...

"I love you not because of what you can give me, but because of what you can take, I am so willing to give, I love you because... I love the me when I'm with you, sometimes you have to fight hard just to make love survive, get hurt, always badly but what's important is that you gave it a shot, real love is never regretful and even if it fails to last, real love should only make you a better person, a stronger person, and in love real strength is knowing when to give up the fight and finally let go."

Strange but true...that I have to say these words to someone I truly love...Sana ako na lang si Celine na kinakausap ni JB...

Happy Birthday Dad

Today is your birth anniversary, Dad...I am sorry I was not able to visit you yesterday. I miss you so much Dad. Salamat sa mga umagang ikaw ang gumigising sa kin...Sana lang talaga sa bawat dadaanan kong unos, andyan ka pa rin para akayin ako...I have no one to depend on now except for you...ikaw lang ang may alam ng lahat...I will forever be your Baby Girl...Miss you...

Nightmare

For the past months I have been having nightmares...And every instance I had one, I would either just be quiet and keep to myself or be vocal and let my feelings out in the open. This one nightmare kept me really super bothered for a longtime. You see, it's like killing you slowly and but not totally, not quite enough to be dead. I think the worst has come, but I don't know, I still don't know. You can't blame me for being skeptic, as I was being assured before that, those were just bad dreams but will never happen. Yet it really happened.

I don't really pray that much lately...partly because, I somehow lost some faith...And for those who appeared in my nightmares, hopefully vanish and convert them into sweet dreams again...I wanna go to sleep peacefully again...

Trust

These past days, this mini word has walked past me time and time again. I don't know how I could give it a little attention. But anyways, just to borrow from this site's quotations, this one struck me the most.... "It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.-Anonymous" Bakit kasi hindi na lang trust condom ang pag usapan natin, mas madali pang ipaliwanag....haaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy....

Mahirap talaga magmahal ng syota ng Iba

Mahirap talaga...sakit ng ulo, di ka makatulog...And I guess, many can relate. It literally breaks you into pieces. And it leaves you nothing but heartache...Haay, grabe, kelan ba matatapos to...Sana bukas pag gising ko parang walang nangyari...

Humors, Facts and Humors again

It's another boring day for me. From a very tiring morning ride to the office, super mega traffic today sa C-5. And I wonder why the Police keep on manually controlling the traffic flow, so it ends up not synchronized with all the other intersections...duh...

Anyways, this morning I was googling for something to read...and voilah...I landed on the blogs of Inday and Chona...syempre laughing trip na naman ang madir...all to myself. Although the "sight" of Chona is not updated, it's still super hilarious...Wahahahahhaa...classic and winner talaga. Try reading this kwentong barbero site also, super daming links here...

Anyways, all I can I say is, what is good for the goose is also good for the gander...wehehehee anong connect? Bwahahahaha

First Edition

I have never ever tried blogging, but due to recent circumstances and unfortunate reasons, I got to be interested in this magical but mysterious world of blogging.

I wasn't an A student when I was studying, but I consider myself to be intelligent in the battles of life. But with the recent happenings in my life, I came to ask myself, "Am I really a dumb person?" While others believe I am, I am out to prove you otherwise. And you know who you are. I am not quite impressed with these people even if they think they are a cut above me. I will soon find out and be afraid...beware