Crowded Thoughts

Just the other night, I opened my notebook and wrote everything on my mind, multi-tasking with Prison Break catching up. These things may have or have not meant at all, but these were the things I had in my mind. Mahusay pero magulo. Masakit pero masarap.

I am not a prolific writer. I am a person with very limited vocabulary. But nobody can level up how intense and powerful the feeling I have inside of me. A feeling not of love but a feeling of hatred and anger. All the years of my existence, I have never felt this heated and enraged to people who have hurt me and brought me to this ultimate suffering. I blame God for everything. I know I have not been the best of a person in my whole life but He knows I tried to live to be a better daughter, sister, friend, a mother. It could be that I took for granted all that of being a good wife, a partner. Forgive me for feeling all this way, but I really do. You see, all that has happened in this painful year of the rat, haunts me over and over again like windmill on my mind…It keeps on turning.

I have forgotten to be a good hearted person, I have wished that people banish in my life. God forgive me for feeling this way and blaming this to You. Don’t you ever check on me? Why was I neglected this way. Ok, I have wished to be winning in lotteries and being a millionaire overnight, but look all of these are just wishes, that even if it didn’t happen, I still pray and have faith in you. But why this? I am not that tough and strong. I do not have the superhero persona that I don’t get hurt.

Why is it that even if they apologize and say sorry to you a million times, you still wouldn’t accept it and take it. Is it just me or it really is still there? Well, I have trusted for a long time and been disappointed and fooled. Who do I trust now? My only self….I just have my heart and instinct to trust this time. Nobody else, except me, myself and Joy. I just wished everything is just that easy to let go and move on. I just wished it’s as stress free soaking a stained shirt in a basin of water and detergent for 30 minutes.

People say I am tough. Yes I am. But tough people also have weaknesses. I am actually weak, because maybe I just loved too much. Or did I really…Question now , Am I still worthy to be here? All I want to do now is to go away and be isolated from all these without excess baggage, without thinking about others.

I love my kids, they are my life. However people see them, I love them. I am the only one left to protect them. I gave life to them, they need me. But I need somebody to help me. I know I have made a big mistake in my life.

Like Michael Scofield who’s always distrustful. Ang sakit talaga ha…There’s physical hurt…There’s emotional hurt. Grabe, ano pa ba ang dahilan para mamalagi dito…WALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ang gulo di ba...sobra. One thing is for sure, I am hopelessly hurt. Ikaw naloko ka na ba?

Pick your birth month and repost!!

JANUARY = SLUT

Fun to be with. Loves to try new things. Boy/girls LOVE you.
You are very hot. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
feings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
spazzy at times.Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
and forms impressions carefully. Caring and
loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
in studying. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5
mins and your reputation will boost someway in
the next 12 days

FEBRUARY = ATTITUDE

Abstract thoughts. Outgoing.Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive.Fun to be around with. sexiest out of everyone.A real speed demon.
Has more than one best friend. Able to cheer anyone up and make them laugh. Amazing smile. An awesome kisser.
Temperamental. Honest. A very good girlfriend/boyfriend
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves
aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends
Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone
new and realize that you are a perfect match.

MARCH = FLIRTATIOUS

You've got the best personality and are an
absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make
new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt.
Like somebody with a September birthday. It is also more than likely
that you have a massive record collection. When it
comes to films, you know how to pick them and may one day
become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck,
you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you
will meet someone that may possibly become
one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5
minutes.

APRIL = PIMP

APRIL means that you're really good looking.
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and
highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to
dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.Everyone
loves to be around you. You always attract attention.
You are definately the sexiest and good looking
of them all. You know how to get what you want.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good
imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves
literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike
being at home. Restless. having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the
next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone
you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.

MAY = SEXY

Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
work well with others. Very confident. **An awesome kisser.** Sensitive. A very good girlfriend/boyfriend. Amazing Smile.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good
memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look
for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or
make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and
others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Has All The Characteristics of John Carrico
Bubbly personality. Seductive.
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and
traveling. Super sexy. **Extremley hot but has brains.** If you
repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye
will introduce themselves and you will realize that
you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

JUNE = HOTTIE

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves
to takes things at the center. Inner and physical
beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends. Very easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does
notcare to control emotions. Unpredictable. Understanding. Fun to bearound. Nympho-and an awesome lover too....makes u happy so that makesthem happy...
Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive.
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and
travelling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you
repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye
will introduce themselves and you will realize that
you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

JULY = PORNSTAR

outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on
attention. no self control. kind hearted. self
confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to. has an 'every
thing's peachy' attitude. likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates
not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be
loved. hates studying. in need of 'that someone'.
longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or
restricted. lives by 'no pain no gain' caring.
always a suspect. playful. mysterious. 'charming'
or 'beautiful' to everyone. stubborn. curious.
independent. strong willed. a fighter. repost in 5
mins and you will meet the love of your life
sometime next month.

AUGUST = THUG

Youa strait up 'Gangsta' Attractive personality.Very! sexy.Affectionate& Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic.Chatterbox!Loves to talk alot! Loves to get their way! . Unbelievable kisser!Easily angered. Very stubborn in the most way possible! Loves to getnoticed! Willing to take risks for others. Makes good choices. Has agreat fashion sense! Maybe a little too popular with others * winkwink*. Outgoing and crazy at times! Intelligent. Can sometimes be aheartbreaker! Can love as much as possible! Hates insults. Lovescompliments! A very big flirt! Trustworthy. Appreciative and returnskindness. The best in bed out of ANY of these months!! Hardly showsemotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.Ifyou repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your
new love in 8 days.

SEPTEMBER = LOVER

Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends
to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can
understand.
if you do not repost this in the next 5
mins. someone very close to you will become mad
at you in the next 8 days.

OCTOBER =PERFECT

Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and
dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.
Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards
your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional
and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people
easily and very social in a group. Fearless and
independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a
crowd. Essentially very smart. If you ever
begin a relationship with someone from this month,
hold on to them because their one of a kind. repost
in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming
up sometime this month.

NOVEMBER = GORGEOUS

Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to
delay. Choosy and always wants the best. repost this in 5 mins & you will find true love at 11:00 a.m.

DECEMBER = FREAK IN BED

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves
to takes things at the center. Great in bed. Inner
and physical beauty. Doesn't pretend. Gets angry
often. A meaningful love life partner.
Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends.
It is all about love and fairness. Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Horny but does fullfill.
Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions.
Knows what to do to have fun. Unpredictable. Someone to have close to you.Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND
sexiest of them all
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.A real speed demon.
Has more than one best friend.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves
aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends
but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisurePick your birth month and repost!!